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1. 

   TriJin | November 27, 2011 - 09:25 PM

   Reputation:1,035

   'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the
   annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence,
   kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this
   potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus
   musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the
   wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure
   regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among
   whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.

   The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
   accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual
   hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through
   their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head
   coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness
   when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended
   such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity
   from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source
   thereof.

   Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing
   this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance
   without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline
   precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian
   itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to
   behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight
   diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule,
   aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly
   apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his
   ungulate motive power travelling at what may possibly have been more
   vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated
   loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and
   addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now
   Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost exterior
   level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the
   concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.

   As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a
   180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost
   celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He
   was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from
   oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls
   thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the
   plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious
   cloth receptacle.

   His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary
   dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The
   capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with
   blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the
   coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium,
   or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so
   much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment
   appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.

   Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey
   fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive
   of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was
   high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region
   undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical
   container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund,
   multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly
   frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly
   lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to
   one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.

   Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
   aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned
   articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously
   dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task,
   he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in
   lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium
   forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his
   egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then
   propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a
   musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the
   antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a
   movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions
   of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible
   immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of
   visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to
   that self same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously
   beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and
   dawn."

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